received news today that my uncle has been put in a nursing home due to a broken ankle.  at 81, he’d need round the clock care and my aunt, 80, is just not able to do it.  they live out in the middle of nowhere in teh texas hill country.  half the time, their road is impassible without an suv, so getting someone to come to their house is out of the question.  my aunt has had a hard time accepting that this needs to be done.  she feels like she’s responsible for him and should be the one to take care of him.  bizarrely, she’s afraid the family will be mad at her.  as IF. 

if i ever needed proof of “true love”, i’d need to look no further than my aunts/uncles.  my uncle bill and aunt lola have been inseparable for as far back as i can remember.  they are so much a couple, til they are almost one identity.  they are the perfect compliment to one another: her extrovert to his introvert.  i’ve never been entirely sure that it was a ~healthy~ thing, being as close to one another as they are, yet there is no denying that they have been happy and fit one another to a tee.

my uncle was in a terrible wreck some 25+ years ago.  he suffered massive brain damage, among other things, and has never really fully recovered.  he gets his words confused.  he has trouble watching tv, at times.  he can’t keep numbers straight.  he speaks with a stutter, because of the word confusion.  at times, too much input becomes frustrating for him and he’s unable to speak at all.  since his wreck, he’s had his carotid artery block which caused him to go blind in one eye, had surgery to install a stint, had ~both~ carotid arteries become blocked, the artery in his leg block, had shingles, broken his hip, had hip replacement surgery, and now broken his ankle.  (i’m sure i’m forgetting illnesses in there somewhere).  the arteries being blocked have limited his ability to get around.  he’s short on oxygen (which now appears to be affecting brain functions as well—he’s angry a lot which is completely out of character—i can’t remember my uncle EVER being angry) and he can’t walk far.

my aunt has been by his side through everything.  cared for him, loved him.  he has been the center of her life.  when she, herself, has had difficulties, she’s made light of it as much as possible in order to keep focused on my uncle and his needs.  she finishes his sentences for him, anticipates what he’ll need before he needs it, and tries to make sure he is happy above all else.  their lives have become extremely isolated, which is out of character for my aunt, yet she has never complained.  she does what she needs to do for bill.

there is NO WAY that anyone in my family could ever think poorly of her.  this is a woman who, when we meet them for lunch in town, will bring flowered pens that she’s made and pass them out to everyone in the restaurant.  she’ll bake a cake and bring it with her… and then offer it to everyone in the restaurant when she serves it.  she is kindness personified.  if a tad eccentric

while it saddens me that my uncle needs to be in a nursing home, i think for the time being it’s the best place for him.  she can still spend time with him there.  and someone ~else~ can look after him in ways that she’s just no longer able to do through no fault of her own.  i know my uncle is tired of and increasingly frustrated over his health problems.  perhaps with the care he’ll receive, some of that frustration can be alleviated.  at least, i hope so.

i’m in a mood >:| that’s as far as i’ve gotten cuz i’m not really sure what mood it is, even :| someone said i seemed “despondent”, which might fit.  mostly, i think i’m just tired.  not so much ~fatigue~ as… ok, i’m despondent :|

went to visit family over the weekend… my uncle bill is really in poor health.  has been for years, but it’s getting progressively worse.  it’s very hard to see.  i spent alot of summers with my aunt/uncle and looked forward to those visits for months at a time.  they live up in canyon lake, in the middle of the hill country.  it’s just absolutely ~beautiful~ up there.  those visits were the highlight of every year.  i learned how to crochet, took a stab at sewing, spent hours upon hours at the pool, followed my aunt / uncle around to all their square dances, took off exploring through the hills, fed chickens / goats (ok, so now i hate chickens and goats, but at least i had the experience!), read every book i could get my hands on, stayed up til all hours of the night, ran errands with my aunt, helped pick fruit / veggies, even helped lay gravel for a road!, and, in general, just enjoyed being away from the city and the structured life at home.  it gave me some breathing room it’s hard to watch these people who gave me so many wonderful experiences get old.  even harder, to watch their health decline. here’s my maudlin thought for the day: sometimes it seems my entire life is spent watching the decline of people i love.  color me emo.

interesting conversation with my other uncle, tho.  after listening to him discuss how corporations were overly greedy and taking advantage of everyone, especially where it pertained to healthcare, he made the comment that “thank god we don’t have canada or britain’s healthcare system”.  the government can’t successfully run ~any~ program.  then not an hour later, he’s telling my stepdaughter about the benefits of joining the military.

1. if the gov’t can’t run the program, then privatization is the answer?  privatizing isn’t done by those greedy corporations that are taking advantage of everyone? OR
2. if the gov’t can’t run the program and corporations can’t run the program, who can?
3. if the gov’t can’t run ~any~ program, what statement is that about the military?  last i checked, that was a gov’t institution.  and obviously one that he’s in support of, as he’s trying to tell my stepdaughter that it’s a GOOD thing to join a military during a WAR. 

it’s the inconsistencies that i don’t get.  coming from a military man with better healthcare than my family, provided by the government no less, pity that he doesn’t want to share.

“socialism” is not the dirty word they want to make it out to be.  it’s just next to impossible to have dialogue about healthcare and how to best improve it when you’ve to first combat the “zomg, socialism is nazism and commies are bad!” stance first.  i’m well aware that most of my views are further left than the majority of people, tho i don’t consider myself an extremist.  it’s rather akin to being the square peg trying to fit into a round hole, but.  i recognize that my ideals will never be met, so i’m forced to compromise at every turn.  and that’s okay.  though sometimes it’s tiring.  just once i’d like to “win”?    second maudlin thought for the day: i’m living my entire life in someone else’s world.

anyways… here’s the last photo i had of my four favoritest auntses / uncleses - lola, bill, fred, mary ann